I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
