i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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