I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
