from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
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bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
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He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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