I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
