Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
