It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize