My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Sober January is a disaster.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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