I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
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I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
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I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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