Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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