I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
