did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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