my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
