I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
