Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
