I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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