he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
