How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize