also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
