is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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