it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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