dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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