Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
