I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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