omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
