Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
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He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
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10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize