It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
