it was like his penis was on wheels.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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