Dual....:-)
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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