Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
