did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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