Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
