Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Come see our sink grown plant.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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