Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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