I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
