its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
