wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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