Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize