OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
