just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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