evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
