and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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