So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
