i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
