Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
