You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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