I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
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pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize