My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
