I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
