Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
My hand turned me down
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
