I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
