No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
