he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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