when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
