the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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