All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
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