so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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