I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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